Manic Panic

Mania has taken over my life this week. Illusions of grandeur, feeling on stage, blah blah blah. Same old story.
But the thoughts. Like I can read minds, like they can read mine. Not reading minds, per se, like ‘what color am I thinking of’, but saying things without meaning; meaning things without explicitly saying them. My heart pounds. I feel like everyone can see what’s going on in my spinning mind. So I hide. I hide behind my job, behind…what is the saying? ‘Technique is what’s left when passion is gone.’ I’m relying on my ‘technique’: going through the motions, living in routine. Going through the motions, trying not to let it show. 
You know, ‘it’. My crazy. 
Not wanting attention, feeling like I have a spotlight on me. That craziness.

& I’m on my meds. Have been on the same cocktail for five years. Fuck.  Time to see the doc again.

Colorado

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written on here! So much has changed, so much has renewed itself. I’m living in Colorado with a man who doesn’t love me in a town that doesn’t appreciate me in an apartment that soon will be just me.

They will be mine.

Jayne T-strap flats:

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with Baby Brompton to match:

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Again, size nine.  ;* ❤ xoxo

 

 

Something I want to say…

…for those who truly care about my happiness & well-being, & love me for me:

Life is culminating so furiously, so quickly, & so constantly, even when it appears otherwise. It is in constant flux, at times this flux can be quite tumultuous. It’s the Universe, starting at a whisper, reminding you of what you love, what you yearn for, what you need, what you are good at; then She talks in an indoor voice, you find yourself starting the process of where you need to be, start taking careful notice of your Thoughts, Dreams, & Déjà Vu under the Intuitive Moon, then she shouts out loud, just to make sure that you know, that you recognize the Beauty She is, the Beauty She is Presenting: ‘Here I AM; here you GO; everything happens for a REASON, everything you’ve been doing is GOOD, everything you’ve wanted is AT YOUR FINGERTIPS, everything you Dream is ATTAINABLE! I LOVE YOU! Take it, take it, take it, Please! Take these gifts and be Freeeee!!!’ OK, Universe, geez. 😉 😀 <3<3<3 Thank You, Merci, Gracías, Grazie, Arigato, Danke, Xièxiè, Děkuji, Dank U, Gratias Tu, & the hundreds of other ways that I will learn to Thank You. Thank You. <3<3<3 xoxoxo

Me & my loverly during: A8N!

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More

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Accidental 80’s Night Commences! <3

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